“when you blame others, you give up the power to grow” – anon.
We have all been there. Disabled by the realisation that we have once again failed to progress a single step towards becoming that “better person” we think we can be.
You knock over a drink and blame the person who put it there.
You miss the bus and blame it for arriving on schedule for the first time in months.
You forget your mother’s birthday and blame your brother for not reminding you.
You display irritating habits and blame your parents for bringing you up that way.
What good can be found from playing these blame games? The above scenarios may seem trivial, but blame can become an addiction, and will soon wreak havoc in our relationships and completely wreck our lives. We will never grow until we realise we simply have to take responsibility – for knocking the glass, missing the bus, being forgetful, irritating others.
Even though it may dent our pride, the empowerment that comes from acceptance, humility and repentance could be the moment we begin to grow.
“fault always lies in the same place:with him weak enough to lay blame” – Stephen king.
It’s easy to believe that strength is a quality which will earn us respect, honour and friendship – and that weakness should never be seen.
But the truth is that strength is never respected when earned through the weakness of others. This type of strength is an illusion which blinds the man who appears strong in his own eyes. He builds his reputation by avoiding his own faults – but little does he know that his faults are evident to everyone but himself.
This man is a bully, not a friend – and will never be liked, respected or honoured for his inability to reveal his own human weakness.
“living alone makes it harder to find someone to blame” – mason cooley.
If you are the person who likes to lay blame at someone else’s door, have you ever thought about what it would be like to be the only human left on earth? What would you do with your blame if there wasn’t a single soul to receive it? Perhaps you would cast your blame beyond humanity.
OK, so you can no longer blame another human. But you can still blame ‘God’ – whoever he is.
Maybe it’s been his fault all along – and that’s why your life is in such a mess.
Yes, it’s God’s fault.
That makes you feel so much better, doesn’t it.
But I bet your pain still hasn’t gone away.
The blame game is what is trapping you in your pain. Not God. Not your mum, your husband, your child.
No matter how far we run from others, we cannot escape the knee-jerk reaction to blame. Blaming might become harder – but it will never become impossible. Blame is like a toxic poison which will only leave us more and more isolated, and more and more alone.
I believe in you, and I believe you can free yourself from this cycle of an addictive life of blame.
“when you blame and criticise others, you are avoiding some truth about yourself” – deepak chopra
There are some things we hate about ourselves and we simply can’t face them.
- Our appearance. You must find someone who is larger, smaller or uglier than you are to make yourself feel like you’re OK.
- Our status in society. There must be someone lower down than you. Tread on them – it will make you feel much higher.
- Our upbringing. But at least you’ve not been in prison.
- Our lack of motivation. Just find some slob who’s lazier than you are.
We go about all of these criticisms so freely – often without realising we are covering up what we hate most about ourselves.
Criticism is the best way to hide. And blame is what keeps us from being found.
But you won’t find true freedom until you accept your own insecurities and embrace them.